While I was living with my grandmother for a year I had the opportunity to think long and hard about where and whom I wanted to be when I reach my autumn years. I wrote down a long list of Dos and Don’ts, some of which were directly demonstrated (or not) by my grandmother, but some of which I came up with little outside inspiration. I want to write them in caligraphy and hang them somewhere where I can read them from time and where I CAN’T misplace them. But, in the meantime, since my sister-in-law, Emeth, said that she puts things on the internet that she doesn’t want to lose, I thought perhaps I’d post them – and maybe get even more suggestions for added dos and don’ts!\par
Things to Remember
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(When I’m Old)
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PLEASE
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Do – lend a sympathetic ear to other’s troubles with a mind to ways you can help.
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Do Not – make other’s troubles your own. “There’s a kind of woman who lives for others – you can identify those others by their hunted expressions.”
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Do – tell stories from your past when asked, especially to children – unless there seems to be a LOT of interest, shoot for brevity.
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Do Not -\’c3\’82\’c2\~take any opportunity to talk of people or situations that your audience does not know or care about (i.e. your cousins grandson’s wife’s first husband)
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Do – knit, crochet, or do other handicrafts – especially baby gifts and children’s sweaters!!
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Do Not – (or very rarely) give advice without being asked, except in extreme situations.
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Do Not – complain of other young people’s busy lives & schedules – they’re just as busy as you once were.
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Do\’c3\’82\’c2\~- be thankful for the time and help you receive from your younger relatives.
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Do – always have food to offer unexpected guests (my grandmother was GREAT at this!)
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Do Not – attempt to force people to eat when they’re not interested. (ditto
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Do – treat your grown children & grandchildren as adults, even when they’re decades younger than you.
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Do Not – give orders to those mentioned above, especially about things that you have no authority over (i.e. their kids).
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Do Not – cling to your driving privileges any more than you cling to a smooth face or youthful figure.
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Do – ask your children to evaluate your driving skills every year past __ and stop driving unconditionally whey they recommend you do so (give your car to your primary driver, maybe?)
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Do Not – insist that you can do things (ex: babysit your great-grandchildren) when the decision-makers are clearly uncomfortable with the idea.
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Do\’c3\’82\’c2\~- gracefully accept people’s polite refusals of your offers to help.
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Do – strictly adhere to the parents wishes when caring for your grandchildren or great-grandchildren.
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Do – keep an organized record of your medications so that if someone needs to assume control of your meds they’re not too confusing.
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Do – keep a list of things your relatives can do to help.
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Do Not – make up little jobs for your relatives just so that they have the privilege of doing something for you. Nobody sits around wishing they could do some useless and unnecessary thing for somebody else – they’d probably be happy to do something actually helpful though.
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Do Not – expect anyone to read your\’c3\’82\’c2\~ mind as to what you need from them.
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Do – buy real-estate with a mind to handicapped accessibility – nobody wants to be an invalid but that doesn’t prevent them from becoming one.
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Do Not – be morbid.
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Do – make (realistic) plans for your near future, and keep your home looking like one.
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Do – cultivate your own interests – a busy person about her OWN business is less likely to be busy about OTHER’S!
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Do – carefully examine what you spend your time doing – is it what you would want to spend the last year of your life doing?
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Do – be content in all situations (obviously something to work on now)
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Do – volunteer help either at home or with volunteer organizations. There’s always something to be done.
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If – you are living with relatives who are caring for you full-time, and can afford of it – frequently offer to pay for someone to come in to help you, so that your caretakers can go away or just have an uninterrupted day to themselves.
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Do Not – be always losing things – cultivate habits about where exactly to put things away. If necessary, ask someone to help you get organized so this is possible.
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Do Not -\’c3\’82\’c2\~comment on the appears of a new double-chin on a pregnant relative (or anyone else). Comment NOT appreciated.
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Very good, Elly.
I’m glad you shared it. \par
I’m a little afraid of it popping up (like my diary from when I was 7) unexpectedly as mom cleans things out. 
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When I was 10 I wrote a list of things I would or would not do when I was a mom…I don’t remember what was on it anymore, but I’m pretty sure I do them now.
That is a really interesting list ! I have never though of making one, but it a good idea !
As you know…” Smart people learn from their experiences…really smart people learn from other people’s experiences”. Thanks for taking the time to write these things down. You have my permission to remind me of them in 30 years or so ( Lord willing). :~)