OK, I do have a beef about courtship. I don’t disagree with general courtship principles, especially parental authority (primarily over the daughter) and supervision. But it seems that some parents seem to think that given 5 minutes alone together a teenage boy and girl will start making babies. (I hope that comment’s not too racy for a blog) Anyway, I really don’t think that teenagers are quite that rabid. It seems like, rather\’c3\’82\’c2\~chaperoning their every move and conversation,\’c3\’82\’c2\~it’d be better to raise responsible teenagers and then teach them how to avoid potentially dangerous situations. This said as one who has never raised anyone and isn’t necessarily doing an exceptional job with my two-year-old. Anyway, my point is that teenagers aren’t necessarily stupid, and neither are they determined to flout their parents, their faith, and their entire church community at the drop of a hat. For instance, a mother could explain: “Jessie, we’re glad that you’re interested in so-and-so, and we think that he’s a very exceptional young man, but I want to give you a few pointers about life and love and happiness. #1) Don’t go away for whole afternoons all by yourself in the middle of the woods and start kissing. #2) Don’t hang out in an empty apartment in the dark kissing, etc. You get the picture. ” Chaperonage is great, but what kind of trouble could a godly young man or woman get into while going out to eat at a nice restaurant by themselves. Or even on the car ride to and from the aforementioned eatery?
|
|||
 |
Chastity in Courtship (You asked, Mystie)11 comments to Chastity in Courtship (You asked, Mystie) |
||
|
Copyright © 2012 Home Despot Elly - All Rights Reserved |
|||
Teenagers, like cats, are all the more interested in a thing if it`s forbidden…the thing to do, I reckon, is educate them in every facet of the situation, bluntly, but objectively if possible. They need facts in order to make decisions.
We are going through some growing pains at our house. One of the boys has a girlfriend. He will be 18 on Sunday…everyone around me tells us that they MUST be sexually active…I don’t think so. They are never in a situation where this activity could happen, I have taught my son about respect and appropriate behavior. I hope and pray that all of my insight is rubbing off on him, especially since *gulp* he will be an adult soon and this activity will be concidered illegal. It is a rough world we are sending our precious children into. Just some thoughts…and welcome to the blogging world…I’ve just started and I am addicted! Kim
Hi! I popped over from Cupofgrace to welcome you. Welcome!\par
Well, I’m in the raising stage myself, but I gotta say even “responsible” teens can *feel the passion*. And when one feels twitterpated, common sense can take a backseat. I would prefe to er on the side of caution and help my children to keep themselves pure so that they won’t have baggage to carry into their marriage….even if only a kiss. My son, age9, thinks that it will be very cool to kiss his wife for the first time on their wedding day and we want to help him see that happen. It’s a good question though, I think we need to know why we believe what we believe.
Sister,\par
\par
I think that you’ve hit the nail on the head. Purity is a matter of the heart, and if teenagers don’t have a pure heart, then they’re not going to have a pure body, either. If exceptionally strong strictures (three feet of airspace) are necessary to ‘keep them pure’, then there is an indication of some potentially serious down-the-road problems. \par
\par
One other thought… There isn’t really a Biblical standard of physical purity beyond abstaining from sex. Other things are wisdom issues and are NOT specifically biblically mandated. I think God leaves those on our own consciences.
Good post.
Wow – a lot of response to that one. Of course, courtship is a pretty hot topic in some circles. In response to Roberta I think that parents have to use wisdom of course in deciding what boundaries to set. You might have very good-hearted children that tend to get carried away (or not), but either way you as the parent are responsible to monitor and perhaps make decisions for your offspring. On the kissing before marriage thing – I’ve known parents who’ve persued that path with their daughters, but I’ve yet to ask the married daughters whether they thought that worked out well for them or not. We all tend to think that whatever we did was the best thing (one of the reasons I’m for kissing during engagement), so perhaps they’re quite satisfied. On the other hand – expecting a girl to consummate a marriage with a man she’s never kissed on her wedding night… well, it could be rather traumatic. Maybe I’ve dived in a little too deeply on my first blog out?!
Yes, Elly, I agree. My mom referred to the engagement period as the time for preheating the oven…hence, my parents were also for short engagements!
Hi “LE” (I like that!)……glad you’re blogging with common sense. I’ve encountered way too many blogs posted with no discretion whatsoever, baring their souls to the world (mostly single teens and twenty-somethings). I’ll put you on my regular list of visits I make.
\par
and the short engagement was a wise decision. I like the preheated oven analogy, too. 
Amen, Mystie! We have “one daughter down, two to go”
Hi Susan! Great to see your comment! So nice to know you dropped by! See you at Camp this year?
Hi LE! I know, I know…it’s downright shameless how fast blog links travel down the grapevine.
\par
I just wanted to say, as Susan’s “daughter #1″, I completely agree with your view on pre-heating the oven and (should God grant any daughters) my husband and I would definately use the principles that governed our courtship again.
Hi! I found your blog through a search regarding allergies, but it sounds like we have some other interests in common as well.\par
\par
My husband and I committed never to be alone together in a secluded place during our courtship and engagement, but my parents did allow us to ride in a car together after we were engaged as long as we were going to a public place and didn’t sit in the car to talk. We always made a point to get right out of the car when we arrived at our destination. \par
\par
We also decided to save our first kiss for the wedding day. It was the first kiss for both of us, and very special. And, no, it didn’t make the wedding night problematic or cause any problems that we waited to do anything other than holding hands and non-passionate hugging until after we were married. Having our first kiss on our wedding day was an amazing, wonderful, precious experience and one I’ll highly recommend to my own children.\par
\par
However, we will probably not do full-on courtship with our kids. After going through it ourselves and seeing it work (or not work) with several friends and relatives, we plan to take a somewhat different approach with our own children, and also with the way we approach authority issues in parenting.